Oscillations

[Young Mahra Keelan]

It's OK, Mahra nudged him with a shoulder. I'll still know.

[Qingying]

“We can try,” he suggested with a soft nod. “This way we can know whether I’d be able to perceive and understand you if Laurie and I are apart, and you try to reach me.”

[Young Mahra Keelan]

He grinned. Let's try it!

[Qingying]

He dipped his head. After a short pause, he looked over at Laurie’s cigarette, present more in his mind than focusing on its amber glow.

[Young Lawrence Keelan]

Laurie turned his head over his shoulder to expel a large cloud of smoke, avoiding getting it in Mahra or Qin's faces just by pure force of habit. Smokers had a peculiar kind of etiquette as Qingying had observed over the past little while.

Smoking in bus stops and sheltered areas was fine (despite the by-law signs, shut up) as long as they were empty. You yielded to a non-smoker, always, and you learned how to direct your breath with the wind to prevent large billowing clouds of nicotine and death chemicals flowing into people's lungs. You never inhaled around children and strollers, keeping your cigarette by your side and out of the way until they passed.

Smokers also tended to group together, and it was very much a social thing. They immediately had something to talk about, if someone needed a cigarette it opened up a conversation, and Laurie, as grumpy as he was, was included in that little bubble. Those who quit smoking immediately noticed the difference. Breaks at work seem more pointless, there's less reasons to go outside, and you lose those few minutes standing by your buddies shooting the shit.

Not that Laurie had any buddies, but, you get it. There was more to the habit than simply sticking a tube in your mouth, is the point, and it applied to Laurie as well. He looked back at Qingying and caught his eyes, brows arching slightly. He gestured to the cigarette. "What, you want one? They're just Bonds." He flashed the pack, which had a Philip Morris logo on it. "They'll tear out your lungs at a bargain."

Also don't smoke kids, you will get cancer and die from all the cyanide and formaldehyde and shit in these things. Just say no peeps.

[Qingying]

Qingying simply blinked and brought his gaze up to him. “No,” he answered softly; he had never asked for one.

[Young Lawrence Keelan]

Laurie flicked away the ashes, simply shrugging. "Alright."

[Qingying]

Qingying lifted his head and looked up at the sun, judging the time while not being in a hurry to leave. He usually possessed a reliable awareness of time and its passing.

As one aged, though, that perception changed.

Perhaps, if he continued to ‘live’, a day would simply become a speck – as minute as the scattered ashes of Laurie’s cigarette.

[Young Lawrence Keelan]

"What're you thinking about?" he tilted his head.

[Qingying]

He returned his gaze to him and smiled softly.
"You mentioned that I had scared you..."

[Young Lawrence Keelan]

He shrugged. It hadn't seemed to matter.

[Qingying]

“What were you scared of?” He asked just as softly.

[Young Lawrence Keelan]

Laurie pressed his lips together. "Nothing," he shook his head and smiled.

[Qingying]

He returned a smile. “You said it two times… and expect me not to ask?” It was a gentle enquiry, not at all teasing.

[Young Lawrence Keelan]

He sighed and wound his hands together. "I don't like not having control of myself, that's all."

[Qingying]

Qingying considered his words. "I think... I do not like that, either."

[Young Lawrence Keelan]

Laurie knit his fingers together, weaving them back and forth in an unconscious pattern. As he spoke, his words were calm, and halting as he paused to collect his thoughts each time. He wanted Qingying to understand what he was saying, to really get it. "When you, when you controlled me, my... you know," Laurie waved a finger at himself. "My body. It felt like, before."

[Qingying]

Qingying considered him, meeting his gaze with that familiar lack of harshness. Then a smile gently curved his lips.
“Thank you, for telling me you were afraid.” It was sincere.

[Young Lawrence Keelan]

"You should talk to Mahra. About, you know, what you were trying to teach him, before." Laurie swiped his fingers under his eyes and gathered his hands over his nose, dragging them down his face with a harsh sigh that ended on a huffing laugh. "The only education he's ever gotten on the subject was from me. I'm not exactly the poster child of healthy relationships."

[Qingying]

He observed him for a few more moments.
“Would you be willing to join us?” It was mildly tentative. “We’ll speak a little at a time.”

[Young Lawrence Keelan]

"I don't know. I can't promise not to freak out again."

[Qingying]

He smiled softly. “Joining us does not mean promising that – and I can feel a part of what you feel. We’ll stop if either of you are too uncomfortable.” He looked down at Mahra. “You can tell us, too.”

[Young Lawrence Keelan]

Laurie didn't seem wholly convinced, but he gave a grim nod nonetheless. Mahra just poked him in the sides. "Yeah, OK."

[Qingying]

Qingying smiled down at them and gave them a little squeeze, before looking towards the area in front of where they sat.

“I…” He paused, before continuing. “I do not like being controlled, either – people cannot make me do things, but-” Mahra could feel his next words were because he trusted Laurie. “They have done so, indirectly.” He dipped his head. “It is not the same” – he’d hardly think that, and he wasn’t speaking to have Laurie feel some sort of familiarity; it was more because Laurie had shared – “but…”

He looked down at Mahra, referring to what the child had said a few days ago. “I try to be careful, but you’re right” – directed at Laurie, this time – “I try to think, and be meticulous, but I didn’t think – I simply acted. Most of the time, I try to think beforehand, but sometimes, I don’t.” He looked away from them again, before meeting Laurie’s gaze.

“I’m sorry for scaring you,” he said with a soft smile. “Like I said earlier, I cannot promise I will not move you, again, but I will try to – try to – think about it, before, next time.” He shut his eyes as he rounded his shoulders. “I do not want to make you uncomfortable – either of you,” he said as he gave Mahra a squeeze, and dipped his head, eyes still closed. “I do not – think, sometimes.”

[Young Lawrence Keelan]

"Don't worry about it," Laurie looked up at Qin with a small smile. "I wasn't in my right mind. You just reacted, happens to the best of us. Uh, thanks, though. I appreciate it."